I've wondered after listening to OneRepublic's Secrets a few times... What would it be like to live in a world where you didn't have very many secrets at all? Or even none? And the entire world respected your life enough that they'd not harm, manipulate, or screw you over in any way from that? It seems like an awesome life, although it'd require both personal integrity and integrity from others.
Imagine this. You're a Christian and your young adult daughter wants to talk with you. She says, "Hey. Guess what? I, eh... I'm bi-sexual. And I know this from experiencing it. Twice."
I imagine most Christians would respond negatively to that. But instead of responding negatively, imagine you simply telling her "All right, okay. Wanna go out for some lunch?" Nothing about sinning, or about the terrible life she's leading; it's just "All right, that's cool." Or imagine if your father tells you that you're adopted, and you simply respond with curiosity about who your biological parents are. Or your best friend is that one person who sidewalk chalked "I love Alicia Melchiott" all over the school. Or heck, evn if u hv frenz dat talk lyk dis cuz its ez 2 typ. No matter what secrets they have, or what things they've done and regretted, or what past they've had, you accept it and love them anyway.
I love that idea.
I doubt everything could be accepted (I'd not be fine if my son was driving illegally and recklessly for example, because that can harm others -- but I'd still love him anyway), and sometimes if someone does honestly not care about hurting you or others, you might be wise to avoid him or her. I mean, really, a certain amount of prudence is involved. Yet imagine the boundaries we could get past! Loving unconditionally and not having to protect yourself and your secrets from shame others might give to you, and being able to discuss anything and find support and move on, and tolerating other people's viewpoints even if they don't think that Backstreet Boys are so totally awesome, and just... holy crap. I love that idea. Imagine, could we get past a bit of sexism or racism? Or let two people of fundamentally different religions sit in the same room, and be at peace? Or get past grudges and messed up relationships we've had with our friends or family?
Yet... it seems reckless. So I've been trying for the past few months to live like that -- no secrets, no judging, no criticism, and love for anyone and everyone. I'll admit it's definitely hard, and I'll openly admit I'm not gonna spill my life anywhere and everywhere. Yet when talking with my wife, and she asks "Are you in the mood for a movie?" I might say I'm not in the mood for it, even if I know she wants it. Or if one of my friends asks if I wanna do something, I might say no thanks, but thanks for the offer. I'd rather do this other uncool thing that I personally love. I've now gotten to the point where I think, if someone I knew asked me any question, I'd be open to answering it honestly. Not lying to save face, or being polite, or whatever -- just "this is the way it is" and "deal with it if you dislike it :)".
I've noticed from doing more of this that... I dunno, it's sort of lifting. Like I'm not putting on a stiff, cold-faced persona around people I don't like or who I don't think would appreciate my life. So what if they don't? It sucks they disapprove I guess, but that's not gonna cause any damage to my entire life or make me lose my job or something. It's just... a somewhat sucky thing. But what doesn't suck is that once you say it, it's over. No more stressing to save face, no more knowing that this person isn't getting to know you but just a persona you have, no nothing. It's liberating. And I like that. (How to deal with them after they know your secret can be difficult, though. :\)
I think I'll try to do this more, much much more. It seems obvious now that I think about it... but hindsight always has 20/20 vision. Better late than never, I suppose. :3
*This may be sort of erratic, I apologize in advance. I'm not bothering to rewrite it much at all ^^;
I certainly think there are some things of which people could be more accepting. Being bisexual is one of them, because being bisexual doesn't harm anyone or prevent you from having a happy and fulfilling life.
ReplyDeleteHowever, lots of people would agree with the modest statement that we could sometimes be more accepting, and I'm confused as to what beyond this you're advocating. Should we be open and accepting about everything? Suppose I'm a Christian and my daughter tells me that she's a pedophile, and that she knows this from sexually molesting children twice. Should I say, "All right, okay. Wanna go out for some lunch?" -- nothing about sinning, or about the terrible life she's leading?
On the one had, you said that you *loved* the idea that "[n]o matter what secrets they have, or what things they've done and regretted, or what past they've had, you accept it and love them anyway." But on the other, you immediately followed this with a direct contradiction: "I doubt everything can be accepted." So I want to ask: do you believe that everything should be accepted? And if not, what are you advocating that people do differently?
Okay, I see my error there. That's what I get for posting at 12:30 and not proofreading. X_X
ReplyDeleteThe idea is to accept and tolerate anything that isn't causing noticeable harm to other people. In your example, pedophilia would be considered "harmful" in my book -- however, being bisexual doesn't hurt anyone or cause any harm, so that's all cool.
However, not everyone might agree on what causes harm and what doesn't -- Enoch might say that religion causes harm, Dad might say that religion helps people and that atheism is what causes harm, and I'm unsure of how beneficial or harmful either one of those is, so I try to accept and tolerate both. Thus, "I doubt everything can be accepted" -- some people will have clashing views on what is acceptable and what isn't. (That's also why I said "noticeable harm" and not just "harm" a few seconds ago -- to help divide the grey areas a bit.)
The things I support accepting would be stuff such as things someone did in the past but grew out of, or traits of their personality (such as their desire to be single or not, sexual preference, whether or not they support marriage or just "long term cohabitation," what music they like to listen to, the manner in which they dress, etc.), or... basically anything that isn't currently causing direct harm.
I suppose this could be filed under the "No crap, Sherlock" folder. Yet it seems as though gays are often ostracized, people wearing emo clothing are labeled "waste of time to interact with because they'll just depress you," those who listen to Justin Bieber / Miley Cyrus / Jonas Brothers / (insert group) are instantly lowered in their social status for not listening to "good" music, and on and on. You, Michael, seem to be quite good at being an accepting or tolerant person -- I figured you might not even comment on this because you'd be like "Yeah, I got this stuff down -- no comment necessary." So in case it comes out wrong, the stuff I just described wasn't directed at you; it was me trying to explain the thoughts in my head a bit.
That's (hopefully) a clarified version of what was going on in my mind. Essentially, let other people be themselves, make their own mistakes, learn from their mistakes, and just let them be.
If you're still confused or if I'm still making some logical error, please point it out. :)